You have no idea how much I have waited, looked forward to this trip because this is our first time going on a trip as a whole after so many years (10 years?). I don't know is it me only, but I really really appreciate it a lot. It seems like they don't feel this way. My opinions are not needed, everytime when I talk I either make them feel uncomfortable or say something wrong. That's why I told myself today, don't talk. The more you talk, the more they will hate you, your words were never needed anyway.
I've been looking forward to this trip since few weeks ago, keep counting down, come to think about it, I looked like some stupid dumb ass. Wanted to visit the beach so badly, thought that this could keep me away from all the bullshits I am going through temporarily. But too bad, I did not have the chance to go to the beach. Sister promised me but didn't keep her promise. It's okay, I'm used to it already anyway. People don't really take my words seriously and they don't really care about my feelings.
Why am I even here? I really shouldn't be here, they don't need me...
Friends? Literally all of them are neither replying nor caring when they ALREADY KNOW that I'm not feeling good. Yesterday during the party, while listening to Jie's friend (Cheryl)'s friend talking about how they met each other, how they cherish each other and what they experienced together made me realize how lonely was I all this while. I wish I could have a friend like this too.. I don't need many, one will do. I really feel like changing my number and disappear and not contacting any of them anymore. Vivienne always said, you have so many best friends, lili, joanne, nikki. No, you're wrong.
I will still wait, for the one who truly cares for me to appear in my life.
